Mrs Yang got warm heart (not ouch warm, nice warm)

2005-09-27T17:42:00.000-07:00

Monkey Yang home most of day, Baby Yang arrive home at 4.20, Squirrel Yang leave at 4. When she arrive home at 5.20 she see groceries on doorstep and think lazy flatmates wait we have no money. She very confused 'cos Baby Yang would not buy cornflake. Mrs Yang have very warm heart feeling. Mrs Yang squeal and hug herself in happy way. Then Mrs Yang eat three banana. Mrs Yang like banana. Mrs Yang say thank you and wonder who is nice people. Mrs Yang especially happy because have no money this week for groceries. But now she can eat. Thankyou secret secret giver of grocery.

An Insider Guide to Fashion Corner

2005-05-03T00:50:00.000-07:00

Fashion Corner is locate between anti-corner and toy-corner at Mrs Yang house.
It lovely corner. It high fashion.
Every week Mrs Yang change fashion display to keep up date with latest trend.
Today Mrs Yang change fashion corner again.
Highlight so far are Ken's tight blue shorts. Very sexy like fox. They make sexy fox jealous.
Come see what fashion do to you.

lastest installing of quote by Mrs Yang

2005-04-29T22:41:00.000-07:00

"Now- dictate my will. I leave everything to Jesus... and Michelle... oh and Ruth can have my shoes" -Attached to Jared

"I have adulterated with the squirrel" - Shifty Eye

"I can get the guys, I just can't get the ladies" - the guy that used to have lots of hair

"I am the ancestor of Jesus" - the very same hairy wolf-man

"How can you be an ancestor of Jesus? Jesus never had children" - hot squirrel

"Don't touch girls or else you'll get smitten" -J to the rod

"Who wants to buy money off me?" - hotter squirrel

"I'll go with Dave, and if he doesn't work, I'll go back to Reuben" - "Happy"

"We need to interbreed" - Ruth's friend, the infamous Mel

"boys make sense rather than girls or actual people" - spontaneously combusting squirrel

"I make sexy jealous" - the overstayer

"there's a gene going round... the Nordberg gene" -Ruth's little bro

"[I want my epitaph to say] 'I'm sleeping, I'll be back in a minute', 'who's that stunning man? Oh wait, he's dead!', or 'I told you it was him!'" A to the J

"I was spying on Mr Whippy the other day, and he's a woman!" - M-squirrel

"I'm going to marry this chair" [later] "me and this chair are getting our marriage annulled" - no longer Attached to Jared, but Attached to the chair

"I'm a scarfed pixie with miracle arms" - the artist formerly known as Rachel

"I want you to lead me astray" - Queen of the sift

The Truth Of The Toaster Saga

2005-04-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday the 30th March, Mrs Yang come home to find that she leave door unlocked and her toaster is stolen.
On Friday the 1st April, she had "friends" over in evening. Out of these friends, two spent significant amounts of time alone in Mrs Yang's kitchen and were last guests in the kitchen. When Mrs Yang looks in her kitchen at 1.30am (Saturday morning), her second toaster is gone.
At 11.52 am we receive our first ransom email. It read as follows:

"We have your toaster.
If you want it back you will have to negotiate strenuously....
Don't try contact us, we'll contact you.
Any attempts in Police involvement will result in toaster torture.

The Toaster Taker"

The email was accompanied by a photograph of our toaster with a shocked face drawn on it, lying next to a plywood wall. At first we mistook this for an orange wall. (if anyone want see this picture, email Mrs Yang)
We send reply to email saying "please dont hurt our toaster"

That evening, at 8.05pm, Mrs Yang receive another email. This one say:

"We are willing to negotiate with you Squirrel and food is high on our priority list. If you want to see your toaster again, you will leave a large bag of lollies in your letter box by 5pm Sunday the 3rd of April (tomorrow). If you comply with these demands you will receive your toaster, alive and well, Monday morning.
Don't push us you don't know what we're capable of!
Toaster Taker"

This email come with picture of precious toaster hanging by cord over shower head. In background is bottle of Wella Balsam shampoo.
Next afternoon, Mrs Yang dress like police and go to Main Suspect house. He deny all. She look in many room and cupboard but not find toaster. However, Mrs Yang find Shower. Shower look like one in picture. Shower have single bottle of Wella Balsam shampoo in same position as photo. Mrs Yang think she find guilty man.
That night, Mrs Yang get lolly bags, fill with dirt and stones, put in letterbox for bad toaster stealer, and email him to say she meet his demands. Between 8 and 9.30pm lolly bags are taken, but Mrs Yang no see who take them.
At 11.46pm, bad toaster stealers send another email:

"Betrayal is a harsh word but it must be used in this situation. You should have seen little toaster's eyes when he heard what had happened. Just for a moment they turned in to crosses as if he'd given up all hope.
Do you think we are just PLAYING AROUND!!!!?????????
The stakes have been raised.
You have one more chance.
5pm Tuesday. Letter box. Cadbury King Size Caramello.
If there is no king size bar of Cadbury Caramello chocolate in the letter box Tuesday, then the leaves you've supplied will be used to toast your toaster. Aaaah yes, the irony!
Don't play with us Walker!

Toaster Taker"

The picture that accompany this email show Mrs Yang's lovely toaster on a pile of lollybags and leaves saying "don't you love me?"
Mrs Yang was very moved by this picture. She did not want her toaster to get burnt, however she was mad with bad people who take her toaster. She email them and say that she will contact authorities if her toaster is not returned this time. What she really mean is that she dress like Policelady again and go visit suspect flat.

Mrs Yang like take law into own hand. She cook lots of toast in backup toaster and drive to Main Suspect house. She put toast around flat, and through bathroom window. Main Suspect catch Mrs Yang but she run to car and drive away all way to bank.

Mrs Yang is very cunning. She cunning like fox. On Tuesday afternoon she write letter saying "this voucher entitles the bearer to one king-sized caramello-flavoured kick up the bum", put it in the letterbox, and watch out her window. At 7pm the letter is still in letterbox and Mrs Yang puts even more cunning plan into action. She hide in large bush outside and watch letterbox. This mean that if toaster stealer come to get note and return toaster she can chase him and tackle him like rugby man. Mrs Yang wait for 3 hour. Then she go inside and check email. Tall Mrs Yang go to room, while short Mrs Yangs use bathroom. 5 minutes after checking letterbox again, Mrs 'Squirrel' Yang go to room and hear noise. She look out window and ransom note gone. She run and rouse other Mrs Yangs who look in letterbox and find toaster. Bad toaster stealers nowhere to be seen. Mrs Yang ring flat of Main Suspect. No answer, so Mrs Yang go to bed.

At 11.29pm, Toaster stealers send last, mean email. Mrs Yang feel hurt by email. Here it is:

"Have some nice toast this morning??
Well the caper ends with nothing more than a quick peep. You got your toaster back with no (emphasis added) effort on your part. But fault remains on your part. We are not Jeremy Sampson, or Sandson or whatever. The only reason we gave the toaster back was because of your malicious little "I'm gonna ring the relevant authorities" bullcrap. The real quote is "proper authorities" not relevant. And also to get you off Jeremy's back about 'stealing your toaster' (to a lesser degree). Now just to point out some mistakes on your part, as you jumped to a few wrong conclusions.

1: Jeremy does not have an orange wall in his house. Refer to first email picture.

2: We also call you 'Squirrel' (But we're not gonna call you that from now on though just to keep our identities secret).

3: PURE CONINCIDENCE that we have the same shower. Showers are pretty generic. I mean if that's all your going on......

4: Jeremy is way too goody good.

Now if the girl in the front bedroom had have thought, for a second, why anyone would be throwing things at her window at 10:30 pm (sarcastic tone). She might have thought to ring Jeremy and see if he was home. Which he was. Funny that.
Oh, and we heard about your little scare the boys with burnt toast. Nice touch. Did you actually have to toast the whole loaf before you added the faces??
However Jeremy does know who this is and has been keeping us amused with your antics. Which is why he was probably acting a little suspicious around you guys. Give the guy a break, he's an engineer not a actor. But this little fact did help you guys make your huge logical leaps. "Shower and Squirrel" = Jeremy (yes that was sarcasm too).
So in the end The Toaster Taker remains ANONMYMOUS!!!
A moral victory if you will.
This email address will no longer be functional now. So you cannot contact us.

The Toaster Taker(s)

PS. Please keep the face on the toaster.

PPS. Ms Yang can kick me in the butt anytime she likes (wink wink, nudge nudge)"

This email have picture of boy with eyes blanked out.
Mrs Yang like to point out discrepancies in this email:

-"We are not Jeremy Sampson, or Sandson or whatever...However Jeremy does know who this is and has been keeping us amused with your antics"
If these people did know Jeremy then surely they would have his last name correct

- 1: Jeremy does not have an orange wall in his house. Refer to first email picture.
When Mrs Yang went to Main Suspect's house, she was looking for an orange wall. Later she looked at the picture again, and saw that it was a wooden wall. Cupboards in Main Suspect's house are made out of this material

-3: PURE CONINCIDENCE that we have the same shower. Showers are pretty generic. I mean if that's all your going on......
Yes. Pure coincidence that there was a shower with one bottle of Wella Balsam shampoo in the same place, on the same shelf as in the picture.

-4: Jeremy is way too goody good.
Main Suspect has stolen before. He took Rupert from Mrs Yang's house without her knowledge. Main Suspect denied taking this, but his beloved confirmed that he did, indeed, have the frog.

- Now if the girl in the front bedroom had have thought, for a second, why anyone would be throwing things at her window at 10:30 pm (sarcastic tone). She might have thought to ring Jeremy and see if he was home. Which he was. Funny that.
The girl in the front bedroom did, in fact, ring Main Suspect to see if he was home. He did not answer the phone. Funny that.

Main Suspect has now posted on his blog, protesting his innocence in the matter. This post is very similar to the email Mrs Yang received. She would like to point out the similarities and contradictions in the two:

"1/ Our flat has an "identical" shower to the one shown in one of the ransom notes.
Bolics! There must be thousands of similar showers around that fit the picture"
"3: PURE CONINCIDENCE that we have the same shower. Showers are pretty generic. I mean if that's all your going on......"
"If anyone knows anything at all about the missing toaster/s, would they please contact me. I would be VERY interested to find out who is doing this outrageous prank at my expense."
"Jeremy does know who this is and has been keeping us amused with your antics. Which is why he was probably acting a little suspicious around you guys. Give the guy a break, he's an engineer not a actor."

Other evidence pointing towards the main suspect:
-Main Suspect confessed that he had taken the toaster to two trustworthy, impartial parties.
-The toaster takers referred to Mrs Yang as 'squirrel' and 'walker'. Main suspect is the only person who refers to Mrs Yang as 'squirrel', and the other two people who refer to Mrs Yang as 'walker' could not have stolen the toaster as they did not know where Mrs Yang lived.
-The ransom emails were sent from an Orcon account. The ISP of Main Suspect's flat is Orcon.
-One of Main Suspect's flatmates is doing a graphic design course. This may relate to the digital images sent to Mrs Yang.

In a court of law, this evidence would be enough to sway a jury in favour of convicting Main Suspect. It is far more convincing than the evidence presented by the toaster takers, and by Jeremy on his blog. We leave you to make up your own mind and vote in the poll below.

Mrs Yang share the quotes favourite

2005-03-09T13:45:00.000-08:00

"Our freezer's really cold. The icecream is really frozen!" -Ruth
"I think I'm going to turn our two biggest fans on" -Ruthinium
"I've got naughty corkscrews" -Roofus
"Just for a second I wished I could stick my tongue out my nose" -Sal
"I had a different head, but it didn't fit" -Michelle
"So today we learnt how to mate" -Michelle
"I don't want to have your babies!" -Michelle (to Sally)
"Nobody likes me. I just force myself upon them" -Ray
"If I was a girl, i'd have a mullet" -James T
"What if you're going to talk to a boy? Its the same as kissing" -Michelle
"Do I look like a trailer? I think i'm a pretty hot trailer!" -Ray
"New Zealanders really enjoy me" -Ray
"Only really hot people have pencils in their ears" -Michelle
"I need to marry Ray... and Jeremy" -Michelle
"I bought love" -Jeremy
"My big toes are very nimble!" -Dave
"My role as a woman is relinquished" -Michelle
"Lets look at how God worked through the Salami" -lady at North West New Life church
"I'm socially appropriate in all situations" -Ruth
"I'm seductive and dizzy. No, I'm seductively dizzy" -Michelle
"My underwear's squeaking" - Michelle
"Its lucky we don't go on dates often otherwise we'd have to think more" -Michelle

And Aprils piece de resistance:
"I'm going to marry an asian seahorse... an English Asian Male seahorse... how do you impregnate a seahorse? ...I'm not going to let some other seahorse impregnate my seahorse!"

How Mrs Yang's got its name

2005-03-07T17:52:00.000-08:00

Prepare yourselves, its a long story!!
One day the three hot girls that live at unnamed house received a phone call. It went like this:

Hello, is that mrs Yang?
(ruth) No, sorry, it's not. I think you have the wrong number
Are you not the parents of Darren Yang?
(ruth) Er no, sorry! Bye!

And thats the beginning of all that followed.

(I can't really picture Ruth as the parentS of Darren Yang.... )

Ni Hao, Huan ying! 欢迎来到杨夫人的房子

2005-03-07T17:51:00.000-08:00

Hello and Welcome to Mrs Yang's!! You will find the Chinese Laundry along Avonhead Road.

	Is Jeremy directly involved in the toaster-stealing saga?
		definately yes
		mmm.. probably
		no
		i know who did it! (if you tick this, you must tell us who you are)

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